Carpe Diem

A friend and I were laughing the other day about how it's kinda annoying to be bombarded so constantly with the message of "being present" whilst engaged in mothering young children. Sometimes I feel like my present-ness is precisely the problem (I'm thinking of an incident that occurred 52 minutes ago involving the 5 year old, a cookie, and a very long time-out). This article from the Huffington Post has been making the rounds and I thought it was spot-on. Kairos is a word and concept I hope to remember.

But that being said, I do appreciate the occasional gentle reminders I periodically encounter that help me to embrace the very worst moments within this time of my life (which to clarify, I am enjoying :) ). My cousin Emily sent me a copy of an adorable children's book, Oscar, which describes a bunch of bad and true things the author Amber Tayler's son did - like burying her jewels in the backyard during a game of pirate (so bad) and pouring milk in the grandma's purse (again, so bad). The book is told from the child's perspective and after describing the awful thing he's so innocently done, he follows up with statements like "I had to remind Mom to use her quiet voice" and "I had to remind mom we should love all of God's creatures." So cute and if you think about it very touching.*

What have been your worst parenting moments, a la Oscar? I never tire of hearing the naughty things little ones do.

*when the child is over the age of 7! :)

Dusting off the old brain

Hey there! So I've been seized once again by the January desire to dust off my old brain, dull from the comfortable routines of carpooling and errand running and negotiating. I found a free online class that I am here committing to finish . The one I chose, about Mark Twain and Harriet Beecher Stowe, is good for me because it doesn't involve reading tons of books (just 4 short-ish ones) but I foresee that it will push me out of my reading comfort zone and make me think a little (I can tell you that I would never normally pick up Uncle Tom's Cabin for some light reading). Here's the site if you are interested in seeing all the great free online classes that are available. The list keeps getting bigger and bigger.

So! If you, like me, need a little Huckleberry Finn in your life this winter, take the class too, and we can discuss. I'm hoping that as an adult reading these books by my own choice I might get a little more out of them than when I read them as a distracted note-writing high-schooler (although, come to think of it, constant distraction is still a main theme in my life - which I totally blame on this dude

and this lot, now)

Happy New Year!

Hey! I hope you had a great Christmas. We had a lovely time, and now it's time to take down Christmas here, do a bit of cleaning and get onto the New Year! But first I want to say that I have been thinking about how I have come to rely a great deal on your insights and advice as we've discussed parenting, books, home & hearth, etc. Thank you so much for sharing a little bit of yourself. I really feel like if I knew many of you in person we would be great friends (in addition to real-life friends who pop in here, of course). So thank you! This blog has kind of evolved into a tool for self-improvement for me and I appreciate your opinions, ideas and support so very much.

See you in the New Year. It will be a great one.
xo

Christmas Nativity

I've only put out like 60% of our Christmas decorations this year, mainly because most of the time when I think about it, the garage seems like it would be too cold and at this point that ship has probably sailed. :) But we did manage to finally make our nativity movie yesterday, which is total chaos but so fun. Here's the link if you are interested (it's six minutes).

Have a great day!

Wabi Sabi: Christmas

This December my goal is to worry a lot less about how Christmas looks, and more about how Christmas feels (I am so easily distracted by pretty). And if that means that I let my naked toddler eat the candy off the advent calendar bottom two rows on day 5, so be it.

Here's a great quote from Janene Baadsgaard:

"Like wishing for the fancy images in the women's magazines [or beautiful websites], we often look in all the wrong places for that elusive something that will finally make our life complete. If we make Jesus Christ our dearest friend, we don't have to search any longer. That first Christmas night long ago had a simple cast of characters - a mother, a father, a child. Yet there is nothing in the entire world that can surpass the mission of that tiny babe born on that holy night. Jesus triumphed over sin and death, and because of those gifts we can face anything that comes our way with faith and hope. A picture-perfect Christmas is a tinsel illusion. Coming to Christ creates a rich reality."

Isn't that lovely? Just the re-focus that I needed. I hope you have a great day. Merry Christmas!

Minding the Unruly: help from books

I was reading Tricia's beautiful Home Made Happy blog the other day and she made reference to parenting wisdom gleaned from parent-characters in her favorite books. I thought, I can totally relate! Is it weird that much of how I try to parent comes from fiction? Do you do that too? Some of my fictional parent heroes:

-Mr. Penderwick: (the Penderwick books are my new favorites). Lots of room for those girls to be independent and free, and he gives them such intellectual riches in their conversations and home life. Sympathetic and funny, yet still a moral compass. And he's so funny (did you read the second book? Marianne Dashwood?)

-Marilla Cuthbert: (Anne of Green Gables) tough love, baby.

-Matthew Cuthbert: (Anne of Green Gables) tough love is great but sometimes you just really need to get your kid some puffed sleeves.

-Mrs. Comstock: (Girl of the Limberlost) She got off to a rough start but it's never too late to make changes. Usually the damage isn't too permanent, nothing that a few great lunch box meals can't fix.

-and of course, we can't even have this conversation without talking about Mrs. Ingalls. On this I will quote an email sent to me by my dear and brilliant friend Alexandra:

"I have developed a mothering ideal based loosely on doing whatever best fits the answer to the question: What would Ma Ingalls do? It falls short often because it is so hard to translate across the century of change, and maybe I just don't have all the data on the psychological health of the kids of that generation, but I tend to think that it was sort of a good thing that Ma was so wrapped up in keeping them all from starving to death, freezing to death or being torn apart by wild animals that she was not able to spend all her day in play with her kids. Probably good, too, that Laura had to help out to keep herself and her family alive. I loved those books as a little girl but when I reread them a few years ago I was struck by two things: 1) they are sort of boring and 2) the purpose of all they did was to survive.

The idea that you live to not die is so foreign to me. I know we cannot replicate that in our homes and it is silly to try to do so, but that doesn't stop me. I was going to end that sentence differently, but the truth got in the way. Ma and Pa were devoted to their kids and talked to them and taught them and spent all sorts of time (Pa didn't have a job, after all, he just hunted for food and then stored it) together. But they didn't dote on their kids. And I don't think they even worried about their feelings or emotions so much as their not-dying or their characters. And I think their characters benefitted from their parents not doing much more than trying to keep them alive and demanding that the kids do their part in ensuring family survival, too.

I think that we love our kids so much and want to give them all we had and more--all the things that went wrong for us or that our parents did wrong we want to do right. Those are natural impulses, but if we go too far with them I think we do ourselves and our kids a disservice. Life is tough sometimes. Other people live here, too, and their feelings and pursuits matter, too. If we are always sacrificing our everything for our kids, how will they learn that they are strong, independent people? How will they learn that the world does not stop for them, or revolve around them? Or, would we want our own kids to entirely drop their skills and interests to cater to their children's schedules and demands? Sometimes it helps to get out of the too-child-centered approach to the world to ask the question that way: would I want my own child to grow up and live like this (in this marriage, job, mothering pattern)?"

...it gets so hard because I don't mean that we shouldn't reach out and do all those hard things (sometimes boring things!) that are caught up in mothering kids. Or that it's okay to waste away the hours on facebook or some other indulgence while the kids stare at the tv. I guess I am just saying that moderation in all things is the wisest and truest sentence I have ever heard. If you find that you are basically always tending towards sacrificing your own needs for your kids or the other way around, you are probably doing something wrong. I think the line on what we need to feel healthy and rejuvenated and in balance is a little different for each person, and I think that we need to resist the temptation to compare our style to someone else's for verification..."

Great food for thought, Alexandra. What would Ma do is my new mantra.

Which book-parents inspire you?

Minding the Unruly: the trouble with homemade Christmas gifts

I have a fantasy each Christmas of my children taking time to carefully consider each other's likes and craft sweet, thoughtful presents for one another.

This has unfortunately never quite played itself out well. Probably because I have been a smidge too hands-off in my role as adult over-seer. For instance, last Christmas my then-7 year old made a personalized sash (yes, that's what it is. see above photo) for her 4 year old sister. I'm so sorry to say that it was not received with delight.

This year, I'm going to try ONE MORE TIME to salvage this fantasy but I'm taking the bull by the horns: each child will choose something they can make in a batch for their siblings and that thing will be a cool thing they can choose off of a list of projects that I will assemble.

My ideas so far have mostly come from careful perusal of Design Mom's trove of DIY sibling christmas projects. I'm thinking especially of the bleach shirts, pocket hand-warmers, decoupage sketchbooks, and bubble bath. Also great could be jewelry boxes, jewelry, or frankly, cookies.

Ideas? Once more pinterest is a valuable tool for such research... I'd love to hear things that have worked well for you!

Things I've learned starting a school art program

(Klimt inspired, gold paint and pastel)

Hi! So many things that make kids into happy adults are impossible to measure: people skills, grit, and I believe an appreciation for beauty and trust in their own ability to think creatively. Whatever we can do to nurture those things in children is time well spent, don't you think? We are in the third official year of the Parent Art Docent Program at our elementary school. I feel like I've learned a lot through trial and error in the last few years about getting something like this going, so I thought that I would write a little about my experience in the hope that it might save someone out there wanting to do a similar thing a few headaches. (Warning - it's super long and rambling).

First of all, in California, our state budget is in dire straits and our district has had to make huge cuts to survive the last couple of years. There is no money for art education (although we are still very fortunate to have a music teacher at our school), so four years ago I began volunteering in my son's second grade class each week teaching art history-based art lessons that I found in books or on museum websites. It was really fun and not as hard as I'd worried and everyone had a great time - me, the kids, the teacher - so at the end of the year I went in and talked to the principal about starting an official program where parents came in and taught art-history based lessons in as many classes as possible. She was on board and so I spent the summer putting together binders of lessons, mostly from museum websites, and powerpoint presentations for visuals to go with each lesson (all of our classes have LCD projectors that hook up to teacher laptops) that could be emailed to the teacher before the lesson was presented.

(animal mummy, before getting wrapped in gauze and decorated. clay)

The first official year was okay. We had a small but enthusiastic group of volunteers (the volunteers have been incredible. When I say "okay" that is in reference to my work figuring out the program, not to our volunteer docents) and at the end of the year we had a tiny little display of art in the school cafeteria. I hadn't done a great job of organizing the art during the year, so some of the art ended up not having names on it which I felt so badly about. We have since implemented a really obviously simple way to keep track of the art: we buy a bunch of poster board at the beginning of the year, and every student participating in the program gets a portfolio (poster board folded in half and stapled on the sides). All art made during the year gets put in the child's portfolio, and the portfolios stay IN THE CHILD'S CLASSROOM. Before the spring art show the kids choose their favorite piece to display, and at the end of the year the portfolios go home.

Another thing I learned: the binder lesson system I slaved over for the docents was totally unnecessary. Many of the volunteers discovered that they loved researching and finding their own lessons - which is so great! - so we ended up creating a school art docent blog, where we put pictures of finished pieces and links to lessons that we found online that worked with our supplies and classroom set-ups. There are zillions of amazing blogs out there that art teachers around the world maintain, which really have been our very best resource. A few favorites that always deliver: deep space sparkle, incredible art department, and art dish. Lately I've also been finding great ideas on pinterest.

Last year was much better. The program became clearer and simpler in its goals - mainly, to provide each class in the school with a parent art docent (hopefully regularly, but for sure at least once), and to have an art show at the end of the year to generate interest for the program and celebrate the students' work. We had 12 dedicated art docent volunteers who volunteered in classes all over the school and at the end-of-the-year art show, we had over 800 pieces of art displayed (and labeled!). We really struggled to determine the best way to display the art (to mat or not to mat?) but in the end we had such a small budget that we simply mounted the work by class on bulletin board walls lined with black paper. Simple and effective. Lots of families came, and the kids were so proud to show off their work. We recruited a string quartet from our local high school to play, and had free cookies and a donation jar. It was low-key but nice.

Speaking of budgets - another issue to work through is fundraising for supplies. We have a supply closet in the main office where we store our collective supplies, and in order to keep it sufficiently stocked we've partnered with restaurants, had a bake sale, sold t-shirts, and solicited donations. A couple of other great ideas: one of our docents last year came up with the idea of asking parents to "sponsor" lessons, which works well (she made a list of her lesson plans for the year, with the amount of money that it would cost for the class to complete each activity next to each lesson on her handout. For example: a lesson about Matisse, where the kids make collages with scissors and construction paper, costs only about $4 for a whole class. So it's fun for a parent to send in $4 and feel like they are facilitating a great experience for their kids, without it being crazy expensive). Every little bit adds up and helps! And second - a couple of weeks ago my friend Liz came up with the great idea of collecting leftover halloween candy, and making candy grab-bags to sell at school functions. I bet we can make over $100 this way over the next few months (for free!). Again, every little bit helps.

(inspired by Andy Goldsworthy)

(inspired by Monet's Magpie, watercolor and salt)

So there it is an a very long-winded nutshell. If your child's school doesn't have the resources to provide art, don't be afraid to jump in there and fill the need. You don't have to put a perfect program out there, just do your best, use parents in your community, and it will get better and better. Something is always better than nothing! It's been such a great experience, and every art lesson I teach inevitably ends up totally making my day. Not only that but I am so inspired by the other parents that work so hard to add their effort to our school's program. Amazing!

Are any of you involved in school art programs? And do you have any great ideas for me? (...ideas to somehow tie art into community service?)

Fall re-arrangement: art room

My re-arranging/cleaning kick continued! One of the places I really needed to tackle was my tiny and very narrow art room. It's a funny little space, because it is technically part of our family room: (see it, all the way at the end of the room through the kinda disco wall cut-out?)

(my knitting is always casually draped over the couch like that :). Just kidding, I totally put it like that for the picture)

The art room has traditionally been a shocking mess, which is unfortunate since you can see a lot of it through the wall cut-out. Would you like to know just how messy? I will show you because I have no dignity. (Mom, if you are reading this shield your tender eyes. It is very terrible.)

Yup. There it is, folks. To actually get anything done I had to bring it out of the art room onto a different table. The irony.

As abused as the room is, I love having a spot for all of my random art and sewing stuff. And that big table at the end is so great for the kids (when there is room on it to work) - but in the six years we've lived here I never really felt like I had a good system to keep everything successfully contained and every time I cleaned it, the room just went back to looking like these photos after, like, a day.

(view from the art room into the family room. It is nice to be able to supervise things while standing over here)

But now: hopefully we are getting somewhere. Over the years we've bit by bit been adding sections of elfa shelving to the wall (the newest addition being the narrower shelf holding the small jars).

(my sketchbook actually fits on the desk part!)

I requisitioned some more baskets and jars for separating art supplies for the kids. (This will not stay this clean. In fact as I type this, I can see it, and it's messy again. But that's ok with me, it's easier to clean up now that I have places to put things back into).

I have my easel set up in the corner where I never have to take it down (these days it takes me several months to finish a painting. Carissa - there's a sneak peak for you! Not done yet but in progress!), and space for the dangerous stuff on a high shelf.

And I've finally moved my bulletin boards to a level where a baby can't toddle by and tear off a tasty paper treasure to chew on (this has been an ongoing problem for about four years. Only the baby changes.)

So, wish me luck to keep it clean. Any tips on containing all of your creativity? I've started a pinterest board on studio spaces that inspire me to be neater (and, hopefully more productive. Because pinterest totally increases productivity! :) ). Melissa, where do you keep all of your painting stuff, and your whirlwind 8 year-old-mad-sewists' materials??

Fall re-arrangement: entry way

Lately in my internet moments I've been totally loving the charming and ever-so-helpful Little Green Notebook. I love Jenny's down to earth approach to decorating and how generous she is with her vast amount of home-dec. knowledge. Did you see her recent tour of the home of her college friend Emily? I loved it because (1) they did so much of it themselves gradually and on a budget and (2) because Emily pays attention to all the little nooks in her home and takes the care to arrange things beautifully. (And - she is an amazing sewer! She did most of her window treatments). Go check it out if you haven't seen it. It is such a friendly and warm house.

Seeing Emily's pretty rooms stimulated me to look at my home with fresh eyes. When you enter our house from the garage through the laundry room, we have an awkward little entry area. (I should have taken a before picture so you can truly understand how boring this wall was - a crooked picture hung here and this chair was piled with bags, things to be recycled and stray preschool papers). I gathered up some homeless frames from the garage and now I am so happy to walk into our house and see this little gallery.

(My mom sent me this little one below. It means that you should think of yourself third, after God and your fellow men. I love that simple recipe for happiness when I come in and out.)

Next up, radical clean-up of our art room...

Halloween (with the spooky filter on the iphone camera)

Hello out there, friends! It's been a long time.

October is totally my most favorite month of the year. Where I live in California we have seasons but they are on the subtle side - and so the way you really feel "fall" approaching is through the halloween decorations that begin to pop up on lawns and houses around us.

(I especially love the ghost my girls made and taped on our door. Scary!)

I find Halloween decor to be somewhat of a slippery slope. Years ago I began with the classy natural approach: a bare grapevine wreath, candy corns in a jar on the counter, blown-out eggs painted with semi-spooky Martha Stewart designs.

But soon pine cones and pumpkins no longer satisfied my who-knew-they-were-so-bloodthirsty children so I bought a tombstone for the lawn. The next thing you know we have an upsidown (presumably being tortured?) skeleton hanging from the limbs of a sweet little tree in the front yard and I find myself participating in a dinnertime conversation with the husband and children wondering if perhaps it might not be a good idea to make a pretend fire beneath the dangling skeleton.

What?!

But really, it's hard to compete when you have this across the street from you:

and this:

Yes, those are zombie BABIES behind the dismembered bloody man.

My friend Liz has I think found the perfect middle ground. Check out her flock of paper bats, flying across her family room:

Spooky and yet not something that would be forbidden by the Geneva Convention. Happy October!

Made to Play - giveaway

The winner is Sue!

** ** ** **

Hello out there! Happy Friday! My girls and I are going to watch "Anne of Green Gables" tonight and I have been excited about it all week but also kind of nervous. Will they love it as much as I did?! Will they cry when Matthew gives Anne her puffed sleeves? The suspense is killing me.

Anyhow, onto the business at hand: I have a fantastic giveaway - Roost Books sent me a copy of Joel Henriques' Made to Play. It is so great! This book is full of genius ideas for simple projects that kids love playing with. For instance, I spent a very exciting hour today with 3 cute and extremely irrational four year olds making animal finger puppets.

See? So much fun.

So leave a comment and I'll do the random number thing and post the winner next Wednesday. Have a great weekend!