10.15.2008

It's my Birthday!

(photo by Monika Elena)
What a shameless way to start a post. But to celebrate, I've decided that what I most want to do most on the internet today is air a long-held grievance: why do we women feel like we have to do everything perfectly? Pretty much all of the women I know try their best to do whatever they are involved with as well as they can and still think they do a bad job. So today, let's embrace that bad job. I want to have a contest for your stories - the worst, funniest parenting moments that you've had. The honorary judge will be my hilarious and adorable younger sister Lauren who has earned the ability to judge this contest by having the following morning, which I will now share with you here so you too can fully appreciate her credentials in this realm (taken from her blog):

"So this has taken me a while to post and comes with no pictures. I was too mortified at the time to take pictures. What can I say - a vacation with kids has to come with naughty moments. We planned a month long summer vacation out West - starting and ending with my in-laws in Utah. Our first morning here I don't remember much because I was a little jet lagged (arriving at 3:30 am by myself with the 3 kids NYC time). The second morning Abby came into my room at 6 am with a fiercely bloody nose from the altitude change. The third morning Abby came into our room at 6:30 am - I jumped out of bed immediately for fear she had another bloody nose but she was covered in something else .... something white. So I go downstairs with her and see the entire kitchen is covered in flour and powdered sugar. My father-in law is starting to clean it up and is covered in it as well. Not so easy to clean though because Abby and James dumped out several bags of powdered sugar under about five bags of flour. My father-in-law said he came donwstairs and James was carrying the big glass flour jar into the foyer saying 'too heavy'. Fortunately that did not break. There were trails of wet toilet paper all over the kitchen as well from the kids trying to clean it up once they realized they had done something wrong which made it harder to clean because it was all sticky. Abby tried to cover up the mess by getting the dolls upstairs [I would like to insert here: her monther-in-law's collector dolls] and using their hair as brooms so we had to clean up a couple of dolls as well. I tried to find ways to get them to help clean up but it was really easier to get them out of the way and make them wipe the floor with paper towels after it was all cleaned up."

This story makes me laugh harder each time I hear/read it. So, if your best bad moment fits in a comment, leave a comment, or if it's too long email it and we will share it that way. The writer of the most horrible experience as judged by Lauren will receive 1. our deepest sympathies 2. a large bag of chocolate & candy treats, meant for you to eat by yourself after all the kids go to bed and 3. A copy of my most favorite I-need-an-escape book I Capture the Castle by Dodie Smith. And if I happen to know you here in my little California town I promise to babysit your kids for you for an afternoon while you go see a movie all by yourself and find some emotional healing.

47 comments:

Eva said...

My entry is blogged here
http://uniquety.blogspot.com/2007/12/pile-of-vomit-and-shirtless-mother.html

Mer Swift said...

I remember this story from Lauren's blog! This is not a parenting story, but I'll share it. Okay, here's what I first thought of. I was thinking about it just recently actually. When I first started teaching at my preschool in VA (I think it was literally the first day of school), I had a little African boy in my class who was the cutest thing in the world. He also spoke almost no English. This first day of school was a horrifyingly memorable one for me, because at the very end of school (he was the last to be picked up) he all of sudden got sick and couldn't make it to the bathroom in time. I will never forget his terrified face. So, we went into the bathroom and I help him to get down his pants. Low and behold he is completely dripping in his accident of bright, green poo. It's not completely liquid but it's all mushy and it's just falling off him. I have to clean him up, drop his soiled pants in a plastic bag, get him on the toilet for another go (which we didn't make it to), clean up the toilet. And all the while this sweet boy just can't communicate to tell me how he's feeling. I've never seen bright, green poo before. It was a first. So, then his mom got there and she couldn't really speak English either.

Lauren said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LYNNE!!! You are such a great sister and an amazing person. Have a fabulous day.....

xo

melissa said...

I think Lauren's story tops all, though I love Meredith's too. I think you are completely right that we women are way too hard on ourselves. I was just thinking this morning how I need to be a better mother. I guess we all could cut a little slack for ourselves.

And HAPPY BIRTHDAY Lynne!

melissa said...

By the way, that's a gorgeous photo of you Lynne!

Amy said...

Oh my goodness! That's quite a story. I have one of my own that's kind of funny, with a picture too :)

Out of the Mouth of Babes

Silcox Stories said...

While I can think of many horrible parenting stories that have taken place inside the walls of my home, all of which have ended in the trifecta (D,L and me in tears)my most horrifying public one would have to be that of my organ playing son.

It was Father's Day, my husband was away with the High School football team he coaches at camp(only men would schedule camp over Father's Day weekend) so I'm at church with our 3 year old and 1 year old by myslef. The primary children (ages 4-11) were going to sing a song Father's Day. This time my son's nursery class (3 years olds) was invited to join in. I opted not to tell Dallin, his Dad wasn't there and I just knew in my gut that he wasn't quite ready for this, well he saw everyone else in his class standing up there and insisted on going up to the front too. Reluctantly I let him go, figuring it was one song, it would be fine. As soon as he got up there he sat in one of the chairs (all the other children were standing), that's fine, I figure he'll just sit in the chair and when the song is over he will come back to his seat with all the other kids. WRONG. He decides to get up and walk further back, I'm thinking fine, he will walk along the back wall and by the time the song is over he will make his way down the other set of stairs, again with all the other kids. WRONG AGAIN. Dallin is now headed for the organ, but no one can really see him since all the other chilren are standing there singing. So now I'm thinking, that's fine, sit at the organ pretend to play, assuming that it's turned off, and come sit down when the song is over (* keep in mind this whole story happened over about a 3 minute time span, but it seemed like eternity in the moment). STILL WRONG! The organ is on and Dallin is now accompanying the children on the organ! Now, some people think our older pianist is having a heart attack as the music is sounding a bit strange, some think she is just trying her hand at adding to the music herself and some are laughing so hard they are crying b/c they can see Dallin playing his 3 year old heart out with the likes Beethoven at the organ. I, in meantime, have turned several shades of red and have no idea what to do, thinking if I go up there and get him he will have a meltdown, drawing even more attention to himself (as if that's possible). Do I let him go, and leave the building while I can! I decided to stand up and walk towards the front, to at least give the impression that I am thinking about doing something, all the while having no idea what it is that I am going to do. Fortunately the song ended just as I reached the front of the room and Dallin left the organ and walked down the stairs with the rest of the kids, as if nothing has happened!

Jess said...

Happy Birthday Lynne!

zana said...

I have a lovely vision in my head about what a child’s bedtime should be…everyone smells like soap from their baths, warm pajamas from the dryer are slipped over sleepy heads, little teeth are brushed and we all pile onto a bed with many fluffy pillows and fresh, sun-dried sheets. As I read from A Child’s Garden of Verses, my little ones nod off to an imaginary world…

This, however is not the case at our house. On any given night you can find my kids streaking naked through the house leaving behind bath water (which now has an entire bottle of hair conditioner dumped in it) all over my hardwood floors and I am LUCKY if I can coax them into putting on at least some panties and a t-shirt. Brushing teeth is a nightmare complete with alligator tears, snappy little comments, and of course, every child has their OWN toothpaste and you had better not forget it! When I wrangle them into their rooms and they hop into bed, we usually have to do a good crumb wiping (someone or something sneaks crackers into bed …but, according to my children, they have all obeyed the ‘no food out of the kitchen’ rule) Next I turn on Sponge Bob and leave with my little ones with a hug, kiss and a gentle bedtime threat…”Good night little monsters and STAY IN BED”

Through the Looking Glass said...

I have four kids under the age of seven. What does that mean? It means there is not a single nook or cranny of our 1900 sq. feet where I can be alone. The most troublesome time for me is usually the morning. More specifically, getting ready. I'm not a fancy gal, but at the least I need a shower, dry hair, and if I'm feeling tops, a dab of makeup.

One such morning, after Rice Krispies on the floor, band-aids scattered hither and yon, kids outside in the dirt with shovels, and all this by 7:20 a.m., I was at my wit's end. I sequestered myself in the bathroom and tried to just make myself a little presentable. On cue, enter the 20 month-old. She was in the q-tips and lipgloss before I could say "no", and after wrangling one thing after another out of her chubby hands, I finally said, "I QUIT!", and pushed her out of the bathroom and into the hall. I went to shut the door, and when the door wouldn't connect completely in the jam, I shoved it harder. In my rage of frustration I could hear my baby girl crying. I opened the door quickly to find her sobbing and holding her finger. The door wouldn't shut because her pinky was in the jam, hinge side. When I hadn't shut it the first time, I had shoved it even more, rendering her pinky as mushy and mangled as ground beef.

We sobbed together and I rushed her to the Instacare, where after some x-rays and bandages, she was declared "fine". I spent the day wondering how people like me are allowed to reproduce; 4 times.

Sometimes I'm downright rotten.

Maggie said...

This isn't as dramatic but it was heartbreaking to me. My daughter is in Brownies and they were having a short ceremony. It wasn't a big deal, but my daughter really wanted me to be there, so I rearranged my work day to try and make it in time to see the ceremony. I got there about 5 minutes late and when I walked in the door, she said, "You missed the WHOLE thing!" Ugh, I just wanted to crawl in a hole.

Yin said...

happy birthday!

thisnoisyvillage said...

My daughter and I were visiting our family in Florida. Olivia (the babe) was just about a year old and had just begun to master walking and was starting to work on running. We were at my grandmother's house where all the floors are made out of shiny, slick tile. I was in the kitchen looking in the fridge when in comes my little running baby. She slips on a wet spot, trips, and busts open the bridge of her nose by slamming her face against the bottom shelf inside of the fridge. After determining she was fine we went back home to sleep it off.

She woke up with two black eyes!!!!

The next day we headed to the airport to return to Pennslyvania. Everyone was already staring at me like I had beaten her and then when we stepped into the security line, she threw the biggest fit ever. Flailing on the ground, screaming like mad, two black eyes, a huge cut on the bridge of her nose. And I had to just let her lay there working it out while i took off our shoes, folded the stroller, took my lap top out of the case, put everything on the the conveyer belt, and gently pulled her along as the line moved forward. Every single person just stared at me while I just shrugged my shoulders and whispered, "heh, kids."

Mist said...

Gosh, with twins I have had so many of these sorts of moments, but the first one that came to mind is this:

The twins were about 6 months old or so, and I wasn't getting out very much, so when my father-in-law came over for a very rare visit and suggested that we all take a walk I jumped at the chance. Normally, I'd have been out walking the twins by myself with no adult to jabber to. We decided to walk around one of the ponds that was maintained by the apartment complex that my husband and I were living in at the time, but the pond was inhabited by a humongous flock of geese. Everywhere we went was covered in goose poo, but we slogged through as best we could, getting the wheels of our twins stroller nice and gunky.

By the time we got home, I was tired and a little upset that our walk had been "ruined" by the geese. Our son was cranky and crying. I took our daughter out of the stroller and set her on the floor while I unstrapped her brother. My father-in-law kept trying to get my attention, telling me that my daughter had something in her mouth, but I just kept telling him to hold on one darned minute so that I could get the crying baby out of the stroller. Finally, I got the baby out, calmed him down a bit, and turned to find...

That my daughter was eating goose poop off of the wheels of the stroller. YUM-O.

raine said...

I LOVE this contest. LOVE LOVE LOVE it. Happy birthday! Here's my worst mom story of my son's first soccer game when we thought we had the wrong field:

http://www.crazymokes.com/2007/04/soccer-game/

excerpt:

"I looked and looked and did not recognize a single person. I asked Ethan if that was his coach? How about that guy over there? I felt worse and worse as I stopped and started asking parents on the side of the fields what team was playing here? How about the other side? Do you know the team number? before walking to ANOTHER one of the fields, with little son in tow to ask someone over there. Maybe it wasn’t field 7 at all. Maybe it was field 10? Where was field 10? Why did I leave the map with James in the car? Why had I not brought my phone so I could call him to tell him to bring the map? Why did I decide to dye my hair pink, so then not only was I a bad mom who didn’t know where her son’s game was, I was a bad PINK HAIRED mom who didn’t know where her son’s game was."

Dawn said...

Mine came after a hard week of motherhood. The dog age my son's sparkley play-dough...and then had sparkley diahrrea, the van died IN the car wash on the way to my son's art class, and then the next day my 5 year old son thought I had left him home alone (his dad was home with him) and he took off after me....only to be brought home by the polics...The story is here:

http://ackroydhouse.blogspot.com/2008/03/another-day-another-story.html

paula said...

happy, happy birthday!

Jen said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to one of the most special people I know! I hope you had a great day! Can't wait to hear about your date (with yourself) to the movie. :)

Hmmm, I'll have to dig into my very bad memory to come up with an entry!
♥Jen

greenchickadee said...

I'm embarrassed even to relate this story, but it proves that I have no shame because I posted it on my blog!
http://thedancingrobot.blogspot.com/2008/10/sugar-city-journal-is-holding-little.html

Anonymous said...

this happened when we were visiting my best friend and her family many years ago. The four kids, (two of hers, two of mine) under the age of 9 had a fine, noisy, crazy day running around like kids are suppose to. However, when it got to be 10 p.m. we were all tired and trying to get them into bed. One of my friends kids threw himself down some stairs in a last, brief spasm of energy. Then later in bed he kept complaining about his leg but at that point we just were not paying attention anymore! You guessed it, the next day he is crying away and when my friend took him to the doctor they discovered he had broken his leg.

naginata said...

What a great story! My most recent one (ha!) is from a few days ago. My 4 year old daughter was drawing and gluing and she had a pair of scissors. Cue the 'wah wah'. She decided that hair was falling in her eyes and she couldn't see so she'd just hack off the front piece. Sigh. Now she's pissed that I can't get all her hair in a ponytail. I can't win! :)

Emily said...

Happy birthday Lynne! That's a great picture of you. And Lauren told me that story when she was here this summer and I could not stop laughing. The way she told it made it even better.

The best incidents I can think of involve either church or the library. Here is Library Incident #1. This was 2+ years ago, when I was 9 months pregnant with Annabel. One day I decided to take Bruce to the library for story time. We got there a bit late, so we sneaked in the back and sat down. As soon as he could, Bruce made a break and rushed up to sit directly in front of the storyteller. I was a little nervous about that, but thought "OK." When she started using props, it instantly became un-OK. First he stood up right in front of her and started asking her all sorts of questions about the story, so all the other kids starting complaining. Then he started taking all the flannel board pictures off the board and rearranging them and tossing them aside. When she started up the CD player, he started playing around with the volume and turning it off, etc. All the while, the cute storyteller is gently trying to get him to stop and I am in the back just dying because I am GIGANTIC and don't know if I can A. make my way through the crowd without falling and B. remove him without causing a huge scene. I decided he was causing enough of a scene already, so I waddled up there, sweating like a pig, and took him, kicking and screaming, out to the car. And the best part was, Bruce had the cutest expression on his face the whole time. He was so delighted with all of these new things and new people that he just couldn't help himself. That's when you have the talk about Hobbes' "social contract" and hope they get it :)
P.S. I gave birth to Annabel the next day.

sarah said...

Happy birthday, and great stories! Our most humbling moment as parents happened just after I had our second child. My son was just over two at the time and had not quite figured out the rules of potty training. I was recovering from a week of my own stomach virus - just what a nursing mom of a 2 mos old and a 2 year old needs - so when my husband asked if he could take our son on a run and shoe shopping, I jumped at the chance to send the newborn along as well. Thinking of this as a rare chance to fit in a run, and being a novice daddy of two, my husband arrived at the shoe store with both kids only to realize that the stroller wouldn't fit in the store and he had no pockets to carry his cell phone and wallet or baby carrier to facilitate carrying the infant. Determined to make do, he balanced the wobbly headed baby in one arm and his device/wallet in the other arm while running after our pinball of a son who was already 4 feet ahead, rifling through boxes, pulling shoes off the shelf... Frantically straightening in the wake of our son, at some point my husband looked up to find he'd lost the 2 year-old. Thankfully, another shopper pointed my husband to our son, now poised in the doorway of the store with his pants at his ankles. Peeing. Humiliated, my husband rushed to the front of the store at unhuman pace, with the bobbly headed infant, wallet and phone all precariously balanced in his arms. By the time he reached the front of the store, our son was pooping. Knowing he hadn't considered this a possibility and so didn't have a diaper or a stitch of wet wipes in the stroller - it was after all supposed to be a 30 minute trip - immediately ducked into the now long line at the cashier to ask for something to clean up the mess. At this point our son is standing in his "wipe-me" position with bare poopy bottom high in the air yelling "Daaaaah-ddy! Daaaah-ddy!"

We've become HUGE zappos.com fans as a result of that experience. Two years later, we can still make out the discoloration on the pavement at the store front.

Megan said...

Happy Birthday!
I had a doozy today - my 21 month old heard me say that we (shouldn't have used that pronoun) were going to change his pooey nappy (diaper for you Americans) before his nap. I come out of the kitchen and my very proud 1 year old has somehow taken off his nappy from underneath his overalls (all in one with braces - we call this overalls in Australia). It is now messily hanging off one ankle. He has also wee-ed on his clothes, and has picked up the pants he wears for his nap (great thinking ahead) and managed to wee on that too. He then tries to help me as I try to clean him up, and squarely plants his foot in the middle of the dirty nappy. I didn't know whether to be proud or upset at such independence...

Janelle said...

Happy birthday Lynne!!

Okay, since my baby is only almost 6 months old, I havent' had any truly embarrassing parenting moments yet. Unless you count my water breaking on a Friday and me not going to the hospital (or even calling the doctor) until the following Monday afternoon?

Please consider me for the drawing anyway?

Columbia Lily said...

I'm not a mom, but I am a teacher and these are hilarious, glad-it-wasn't-me stories....keep your chins up, and happy birthday!

Keep moving said...

Happy birthday, a little late...
Beautiful picture!

Pumpkin Head Baby Co said...

Happy Birthday! What a fun way to remember all those frustratingly hilarious times. Mine is too long to leave here. But you can read about it here. http://pumpkinheadbabyco.blogspot.com/2007/08/naptime-for-2-yr-old-is-not-just-for.html

Jen said...

Okay, I thought of one...
We were sitting around the Thanksgiving table at my in laws. Three of our families had small children. I was enjoying my Thanksgiving feast, but needed to use the restroom. When I went into the bathroom I noticed that the trash can was FILLED with blonde hair. All the children were around playing and I said to my S-I-L, in a very SMUG way, "I think one of YOUR children cut their hair..." She looked around and saw all three of her kids with full heads of hair. Then my little guy, who had had the most adorable bowl step cut, came up with A REVERSED MOHAWK! All I could do was scream "you look sooo ugly" which my M-I-L still will not let me live down. I was in such denial that it took me two days to take him in to get his head shaved. I really, really loved his bowl-step cut. Looking back, it is not really the fact that he cut his hair. It really was the way I reacted and the "my child would never cut their hair" attitude that makes this story so funny. How would you have reacted?
♥Jen

Janika said...

Happy Birthday, Lynne. Love your blog! Oh, and I think I knew Lauren when they lived in Boston--our husbands were both at HBS. Anyway, with twins I also have a few doozies to share. Let's see, I think the craziest was when they discovered the delights of petroleum jelly. One super busy school morning I was helping my oldest daughter get ready for school while my husband was getting ready for work and the twins (2 yrs. old) were supposedly playing nicely in the living room. We were ready to rush out the door when I looked in on them and they were literally ice skating in a pool of petroleum jelly on our hardwood floors. Now, I don't usually leave petroleum jelly lying around and I don't think they had ever even seen petroleum jelly before, but somehow they felt the lure of that extra large jar! I had just bought a new container and put it up on a shelf out of their way. Apparently they boosted one another up to the shelf, pulled it down and took huge handful-size scoops to smear all over the floor and each other's bodies and hair. Needless to say, we were late to school and my husband went late to work so he could help clean up the disaster. It took me over three days and multiple baths to get the petroleum jelly out of their hair! It was a defining moment in my parenting where I decided it was either a chance to scream and cry or just accept the chaos and have a good laugh. I chose to laugh about it and that has made all the difference!

Elizabeth said...

My memory fails me as, my kids are now much older, so I'll just say happy birthday to a fellow Libra/October blogger :)

Kris said...

Shortly after having baby number five I had this experience with my 6 year old. It was late afternoon and I was very tired and I accidently fell asleep. My husband was in the house (working in his office) so all was well. Or so I thought. When I woke up an hour later the whole house was very quiet. Suspiciously so. I wandered around looking for everybody and all the kids bar one were fast asleep in their beds. This was very unusual and I kept looking for my 6 year old. I found her in the kitchen. She was gliding over our vinyl floor. She said, "Look Mum I'm ice skating!". Which was very strange because we didn't have ice and she was definitely gliding. She went on to explain that now I didn't have to take her ice skating because she was having the experience without me having to go out of my way for her. I was furious and speechless, so she reiterated her kindness to me and explained how she made her "ice". It just took one tub of margarine which she spread all over our kitchen floor and now it was an ice skating surface which she would willingly share with everyone. (Funnily enough "everyone" had seen her start on this and all decided that going to their beds would be the best way of staying out of trouble!) I regained the power of speech and began to explain to her (okay, SHOUT to her) that this was not appropriate behaviour! This brought my husband running and he sent both her and me to bed because he could see that in my sleep deprived state I was not able to successfully mother this child! I was furious, but soon fell asleep again and didn't wake (except for feeds) again till morning. My husband had cleaned up the mess and discussed her behaviour with our 6 year old. This was 16 years ago and she still remembers what fun it was ice skating in our kitchen. She was a most frustrating child to parent because she never saw what she was doing as wrong, just different from what we wanted. All's well that ends well however as she has just returned home from serving a mission. (Phew! Lucky she made it to adulthood! It was touch and go a few times there!!!)

Tammy said...

Take a look and I will share two of the moments when I knew I was "Mom of teh Year." The other moments shall remain locked away in my brain...suppressed is more like it!!!!

http://justmetammy.blogspot.com/

james and bess said...

okay, so my story doesn't include poo or hair-cutting (those stories were HILARIOUS, by the way, especially the one with the dad and the shoe store), but it was my latest memorable adventure, accentuated by the fact that my husband was in china at the time. good times!
http://jamesbessrandomthoughts.blogspot.com/2008/08/today-we-had-two-notable-adventures-one.html
-bess :)

james and bess said...

oops, sorry, i want to change my entry to this one, instead. this is for all you moms out there who have children who are freaked out by life-size mascots. how could i have forgotten this?
http://jamesbessrandomthoughts.blogspot.com/2008/08/saturday-happenings.html
-bess :)

Jill J. said...

While on the phone with my sister one day, I went to check on my diaper-less toddler (we were potty training.) The horror that met me is indescribable. He had paraded all of his Little People animals and people through his accident. There were tiny poopy footprints EVERYWHERE! We did have a casualty that day, the Little People kangaroo didn't make it out alive.
What is amazing to me now is that I was calling my sister to complain about the bad day that I was already having.

andrea said...

I LOVE I capture the Castle!!

How creative, hair as a broom! who would've thought!??

Timshel said...

oh I LOVE this idea! Happy Birthday and what a beautiful picture!

My story is crazy enough to not be told while people are eating. One afternoon shortly after my second babe was born I found myself with two simultaneous nappers. To my absolute delight I went upstairs into my bedroom, pulled out my easel, and dug into an oil painting I had put off for ages. I couldn't believe my luck. An hour and a half into their naps I snuck downstairs to check outside their doors for signs of life. Not a peep. "whoo-hooh!" I thought. Maybe I would even get another hour of painting in. My husband was working from home and it was nearing five o clock so I poured myself a glass of wine and turned on Joni Mitchell. The world was mine...it was on a string.
About ten minutes later my husband came upstairs and asked me if I had used some Gold Bond powder in the bathroom. "huh?..no. Weird" I thought and returned to my bliss. Ten more minutes later I went down for a bathroom break. The bathroom in our house is connected to my older sons room and I just happened to look down and notice some movement in the light coming from his window. I opened the door to see my son looking guiltily at me and he said "look Mama! I flung it!" It was dark enough in the room for me to not notice the mayhem at first. And then I saw it.

1) His diaper had been a)filled with poop b) taken off and thrown into the floor c) but not before be scooped out his poop and began to smear it EVERYWHERE he could possibly think to smear it. I "flung" it referred to the glob he had tossed against the far wall of his nursery.
2) believe it or not this was just the "first" coat. He had then found the Costco Jug of Vaseline, popped the lid and smeared it on top of his dresser, inside of his drawers (as if it was a fine polishing solution), across the lower half of the windows, inside of his own shoes (!!)
3) But why stop at horrendous when you can almost touch on the absolutely unthinkable--maybe not even captures in cinema- finishing detail. He grabbed the Baby Powder (also Costco size) and basically jumped himself into oblivion dispensing every last puff and cloud of powder that mongo jug had to offer. The room was unidentifiable. IT looked like a toilet/ the blob/ bakery had exploded all over everything. The look on Jude's face was one of absolute delight. I was livid and he had just experienced on of the most intense "creative" spasms of his 2 1/2 years on the planet so far. I think I yelled myself blue before my husband finally grabbed the rubber gloves off my hands and sent me into the other room to sit outside and have "another glass wine". Even though I almost lost my mind, I kind of would give a big hunk of cash to see a video of Jude in the midst of all of that action. incredible.

Carrie said...

Here’s one of the MANY stories I could think of: I was driving home from somewhere and Emily wanted to stop at the park across the street from our house. So rather than go home first and walking to the park, I decided to just park the car at the park. When it was time to go home, Emily (being 2) had a complete and total flailing tantrum. I picked her up and carried her to the car, but she was thrashing around so violently that I literally could not get her into her car seat. I tried to force her in with my knees even, I think, but I could not get her in. So, I went to plan B: I left the car at the park and started walking home, carrying Emily. She was not happy about that either and proceeded to throw up on me (this is something she could do on command.) So, picture me, walking down the sidewalk with a thrashing, screaming beast of a child, trailing barf the whole way. I was sweating just trying to hold on to her and probably crying myself. Not a pretty picture. It was the longest block I’ve ever had to walk.

Melissa said...

happy birthday, lynne! i just wanted to say that, and tell you how much i enjoy your blog.
we share the same birthday. hope it was a great one for you!

dottyspots said...

Belated happy birthday, I hope you had a wonderful day :)

Unfortunately my worst/most embarassing parenting story is a little 'blue' (it involved a dog and a very large tattoed skinhead getting on the bus *sigh*) It still makes me cringe, although I can laugh about it now, but I wouldn't want to possibly offend anyone.

One of the cutest (for me at least) is that I was upstairs folding washing and noticed it had gone *really* quiet.

I went downstairs to see what the boys were up to and found themselves trying to stick their hair back on with glue...

For dd it has to be, "Daddy, I've been really helpful and cleaned the bathroom."

"That's lovely."

"With your toothbrush."

Perhaps not so lovely then...

Renae said...

Happy Birthday from a fellow October baby!! I love this time of year, and not just for my birthday!

Here is one of my better days...as written by my culprit son.

If Two-year-olds could Blog…

After a long day of doing my usual deeds—pouring syrup on the couch, yes, couch.... But I better back track a little. Just so you all know, I've figured out how to get the fridge lock open. So I just go in there whenever I want something, get the item I need, and then lock the fridge back up. It's a great system, really. Although, I can't get the upper cabinet locks undone to get into the jar of peanut butter anymore. That's a bummer. I really like eating peanut butter straight out of the jar with my hands. But back to the syrup—I poured it all over Mom’s couch and she was not happy. I got put in my room for that one.

Anyway, I also found scissors and cut up straws into little tiny pieces today. That was really cool. I haven't ever done that before, but since Mom cuts the straws down to size when we have hot chocolate it really wasn't all that hard to figure out. And someone is always leaving scissors around the house for me to find.

After more of that I guess she could tell that I needed to recharge my batteries so she locked me in my room for a nap. I found a nice cozy spot where no one would bother me so I could make the most of my time. I got under my bed (twinsize bunk), behind the rolled up play carpet and fell promptly asleep. It was awesome! No one could even find me for awhile. That was the point. Us two year olds do need some alone time.  Hope everyone had as good of a day as I did.

Love, C

Luckily for this kid the couch cushion did come off so I could wash it. However, it was a bit nerve wracking to come look for him in his LOCKED room after all was cleaned up and I couldn't find him. Considering all the other cool stuff he had figured out to do by this age I thought for sure he had done a Houdini out of his room somehow.

But no, he had just fallen asleep under his bed, clear back up against the wall, and behind a play carpet. It took me awhile to actually find him. I have a darling picture of him under there just to remind me that "this too shall pass".

This son is almost 3 now and he still does "fun" things like this.

Freckled Hen said...

I realized lately I have started to accept these mothering moments as they happen with no more hysteria and shock, when I start to feel that out of body I-can't-believe-this-is happening feeling I push past it and gather what few wits I have left to step back into normalcy. My five kids are spread in age (16 to nearly 2), they create mayhem just sitting in the car. Friday in Hobby Lobby as I was looking through the pattern books (greatly looking forward to by the way as they were on sale) was sitting with two proper looking women who were adoring my youngest two with an old fashioned eye twinkle. The youngest who was acting adorable passed a rather loud volume of gas and interupted my silent bliss of sewing designer wannabe, I barely looked up to see the horrid look on their faces. Luckily Molly, age five, didn't explode with laughter and I recovered thinking to myself how mature of us not to laugh. Molly began rhyming words (her latest feat) I heard her voice echoing in my head "duck", "truck", "luck"...and all too late realized where this was heading. She said the dreaded word too loud, in my mind it was like she was on the store loud speaker. I gave up on the patterns and took the two precious babes home where they could fart and swear in peace.

lynne said...

Freckled Hen - I have SO been there, too! Why must the worst word of all rhyme with "duck"?!

allydru said...

happy bday! wish I was in california to swing by and take YOUR kids for the day so you could go to a movie all by yourself. and also for a little sunshine.

as to stories, of course I don't have any. unless you count the time 6 neighbors called because george (age 5) was on top of the light pole out back (the really tall street kind of light pole), or the time isaac, who was 2 and having trouble mixing his "f"s up with his "tr"s kept yelling "I want my TRUCK!" from the second row in church. or maybe when cath's teacher called a few weeks ago for me to come pick her up early from school on account of the comb she had hopelessly tangled into the entire front half of her hair while "getting stylish" in the bathroom (bringin' back the 80's bangs-halfway-across-your-scalp. beautiful.) or every single kid during their toddler years drinking from the toilet with various cups, caps, and spoons. or perhaps the time isaac climbed onto the small wobbly table which promptly keeled over launching him, a large potted aloe vera plant, and a pan full of cream of wheat all over the kitchen floor. dirt and glue is almost as good as flour, sugar and toilet paper. but it has nothing on sweeping with doll hair. oh la la lauren, you are a good woman.

I haven't pulled out I Capture the Castle in ages. but now that I've relived all those lovely memories, I think it is time . . .

Joslyn said...

happy, happy belated birthday lynne. i love seeing that photo of you! such a lovely shot.
xoxox

Donna said...

I realize the contest has ended, but I enjoyed reading through everyone's stories and they jogged a memory for me.

I used to run an online bookdealing business, and was very proud of purchasing my own domain. I was homeschooling my daughter, so allowed her webspace to build her own website, with stories she had written, favorite links and pictures. She maintained it for several years, and since it had links to her favorite websites, it was her homepage when her computer started up.

When she was about 7 or 8 I decided to no longer maintain the website and let the domain expire. Since her website was part of that domain, when she opened her computer she'd get a "website not found" message. It has only been like that for a few days and I was intending to change her homepage but hadn't gotten to it (sheer laziness, how long does it take? a minute or two?) Anyway, one day she started up her computer and I heard her say uh, mom? And she's staring at her computer.

Apparently a porn company had bought the domain name I'd been using (dragonflybooks? not sure what the rationale was), and now her computer had opened up to I swear 50 thumbnails of couples in various sex acts. I stared for a few seconds in horror, leaped at the computer and closed the page. And then immediately changed her homepage to something new.