3.02.2009

feeling rather ponderous



It's evening. I'm eight months pregnant and feeling rather large and uncomfortable. I sit upon the five-year-old's bed to take a rest. Though my excessive weight bears upon it rather awkwardly. Crack...the wooden bed breaks in half. We laugh and laugh at this one... Do any of you have any funny pregnancy stories?

28 comments:

Jewels said...

I was eight months pregnant when I was trying to avoid hitting the kitchen table in the office lunch room, but by avoiding the table with my belly I knocked over the water cooler with my rear end.

Marie' said...

I had swollen ankle problem. One day my hubby comes home with this foam ramp, so I can sleep with my feet elevated. I wake up the following morning with perfectly skinny ankles. I am so excited I run to the bathroom where my hubby is and thank him with a big hug. I see the worry in his eyes. I look at the mirror to see the puffiest face I had ever seen. The eyes look shut and the cheeks huge.

After twenty minutes, my face was back to normal and my ankles back to balloons. We laughed and laughed.

Keri said...

I think this counts, even though my daughter was 2 weeks old, so I was barely post-pregnancy. I stepped (and by stepped I mean 'fell') through our front porch.

lynne said...

oh melissa, that picture is the funniest thing! breaking the child's bed. i love it.

Minnie said...

This isn't about me, but a friend was pregnant and we went to the beach. She wanted to tan, so when she was ready to lay on her belly, we dug a hole for it. Of course, when she was laying in the hole, she didn't look pregnant at all. And we found that really funny at the time.

Kari said...

Noooo! Not the red riding hood bed!

Taylors said...

Oh my gosh...is your tush okay?

I was in my second trimester I was at the park, a few blocks away from our home with my husband and sisters enjoying a sunny day. My sisters always make me laugh. They were cracking jokes and I laughed so hard I peed my pants. Like full board had an accident and I had to walk all the way home with wet pants...it was embarrasing and the funniest thing. 3 kids later my family still loves to make fun of me for it.

Barbara Brown said...

Right up your ally, with all of the fairy tale references. You sound like Goldilocks.
barbara brown

sarah said...

it's only funny now, after a few years, but at 7 months I slipped on the stairs and fell onto my bum. What i didn't know was that my bum landed on a sippy cup of water which broke on impact... I thought my water broke and it was only after freaking out and calling hubby that I realized I was fine.

I laugh about it now because I can only image what a site I was covered in water and sitting on the floor.

kristi said...

7 months pregnant, living in boston, ice everywhere--tried to walk the dog and fell straight on my butt. luckily all that padding cushioned my fall. :)

and about 6 months pregnant with my last baby, still in denial that i was pregnant, tried to squeeze between two brick columns from a parking lot onto a sidewalk--and got stuck. the worst part is that my husband AND another man were watching me!

octaviaorca said...

hee hee hee, ha ha ha... that's what i needed to read!!!
about 10 days before baby #1 was due i was finishing up her room. my husband had just finished putting together her new ikea futon couch and i was trying to get the cover on it. i stepped up on the couch (as i normally would have) to fix the curtains behind and crack went 2 support slats and sink went me. i was mortified.

kristin said...

goldilocks!

when i was about seven months pregnant, i went to emergency because i thought i was leaking amniotic fluid. it turned out that i had only peed my pants.

Melissa Crowe said...

When I was pregnant with Annabelle, I was a student at swanky private college in an NYC suburb, and only dumplings from a particular posh chinese restaurant in the posh town (_not_ where I lived, since I couldn't afford an apt. there) soothed me near the end. While Mark was picking them up one particularly cranky third-trimester evening, I threw up violently on the posh street. Nice.

Dara said...

While trying to sneak through a busy restaurant I somehow believed I was my normal size and accidentally knocked a lady in the back of the head, quite soundly, with my belly. I was mortified. Another time I accidentally slammed same belly in the car door at the mall. Apparently my problem was remembering that I had grown...

Lauren said...

Hilarious Melissa!! I love your illustration. I really think the most embarrassing moment i have had in pregnancy was seeing the pictures that Lynne took of me playing with my kids at Deep Creek when I was almost eight months pregnant.

casserole said...

I once got stuck in my car. I thought I had left enough room (seemed WAAAAAY more than ample) between me and the car next to me, but when I opened the door, it wouldn't open far enough to let my belly out. This was at a gas station and there was at least one good ole boy there to watch it.

I tended to carry mainly out front, so by the end it was difficult (i.e., impossible) for me to roll over in bed. I'd have to wake hubby and he'd push me over. yaaaaaahhh...

Larissa said...

My husband taking me out to eat at a BBQ place when I was 9 mos and 4 days pregnant with our second. The looks on the faces of the people in the waiting area when my belly entered the restaurant before I did were priceless.

blair said...

I love the sketch! I was always afraid this would happen to me, but I think avoided all possible scenarios.

Rebecca said...

I was pregnant and went to a party for David's business school friends. I sat in a chair and broke it in front of everyone during the party. It was made of wicker, but come on folks, nobody else was breaking the other three around the table. It was so embarrassing! Hang in there Melissa!

Jemellia said...

When was nine months pregnant, I was buying books at Borders and knocked over about ten books with my belly. I knew that it would be a task to pick them up, so, I just told the clerk, he said that it was no problem, I also explained to him that even though they were about G.W. Bush, it was truly unintentional!

French Knots said...

When I was 8 months pregnant with my son we had some building work done. The buildres put the scaffolding up so close to the back door that I couldn't get through it! To get into the back garden I had to go out of the front door and round to the back.All your stories have made me giggle!

Kris said...

Ohhhh Melissa. Is there anything funny about being pregnant? You decide.
I remember falling backwards down a hill whilst 8 months pregnant and holding my 17 month old son. The hill was made of soft soil and I fell in slow motion. Even I thought that at any moment I would be able to save myself, but in the end I couldn't. As I slowly fell my husband and other two children screamed with laughter. I landed on a pile of bricks and still have the scars, but I laughed all the way down. It was just such a ridiculous situation. My son was fine (I guess I was busy saving him) but I couldn't believe I had fallen. Ah, the joys!

jojo-caramel said...

Ha ha ha ha ha ! I don't have any pregnancy stories as funny as yours ! I recognized you Goldilock ! xo

Rach said...

Very funny Melissa and very sweet illustration. Hope you are feeling well and I am sure you look absolutely gorgeous.
x

poohza said...

when I was pregnant with my middle child I saw a mother and a little girl in the store. the little girl asked her mother why my belly was so big. the mother, a little embarrassed, whispered to her that there was a baby in there. the child then looked at me in horror and said "that lady ate a whole baby!!??"

Eva said...

hahahaha :)
when i was pregnant with my 2.child i woke up with labours in the early morning at 4am- the birth started. i stood up, went around, cleaning the toilet, put on the oven, and in between always doing my labourwork. then, when i was sure that this will be the day, i woke up my hubby, we looked out of the window, it was snowing. oh what fun, my husband is facility manager and has got to care about the sno in front of the houses- means a lot of work!! we were just staring out of the window...then the labours went stronger, stronger, stronger, but i didn`t realize, this would be nearly the final. the midwife was called, but she had a little to drive. in the snow. and then, suddenly, i felt like pushing the baby out. i shouted to my husband: "TOWELS. NOW. PUT OF MY PANTIES.I MUST PUSH HER OUT." he did everything i want. i was standing in the kitchen at the table. when my panties were of (he did this very fast, hehehe) he looked and said to me: "I can see the hairs!" and now it went forward, a second pushing labour while my husband was standing behing and under me, taking our daughter absolutely professionally in his hands, took her, and gave my baby to me. we sat together and looked at her, everything was wonderful, she looked with this certain view, just a little moaning. then, suddenly, the placenta wanted to come out. ok, i did this very fast. then my legs were totally tired and i wanted to sit. we put the afterbirth into a plastic bag and i sat on a kitchen seat. thinking and trying to ligate the cord with a kitchen kelloggs clipper, but it bounced off. we were looking to each other, and started to laugh, laugh, laugh. Then, finally, the midwife ringed the bell. she came up jumping the steps, but my husband told her, very cool: "Keep cool, the baby is already born!"
so, this was the very special moment, we both gave birth of our 2.child, and it was so fast, we already laugh about this birth until today, the little thunderstorm is 4 years now. and nr. 3 was born in 1,5 hours. but with midwife.
best wishes, eva

Rubyellen said...

what?!! the little red riding hood one? oh no!! i love tat bed! i am glad you are okay, which i am assuming, since you drew a picture of it!

here is a funny one, but it was right after i gave birth. no one told me my legs were going to swell afterwards. i swear i freaked out! i thought that the swelling was going to go to my heart and i was going to die of a swollen heart! i did what i could to get the swelling to go down because i didn't want to die! how is that for some crazy postpartum woman!

Margo said...

Minnie, I did the same thing when I was at the beach and pregnant! I remember how NICE it was to lie on my belly. . .
These stories are so funny!

When I was pregnant with #1, my mom and I took lots of walks together. She always warned me to be careful careful careful not to fall. I never did on those walks, but she did twice! However, she was proved right in the end: I stepped on a walnut and fell flat out on my back when I was 3 weeks away from my due date, and went into labor 2 days later.

And this is a family legend: when my mother was pregnant with me, the due date was February 28 (also my dad's birthday). My aunt was due mid-March. Well, my due date came and went, my cousin was born, and my mother STILL was pregnant with me. She was finally induced and I was born on March 28 - exactly a month after my due date and acting like a one month old baby, my mother swears. oh my word - and today is my cousin Tom's birthday! He always lords it over me that he's "older."